Those who want to address cross-boundary behaviour convincingly and with impact must have that boundary clearly in mind for themselves, Anne Jaakke recently discovered. "In this new era, it is up to us to calibrate our moral compasses."

In the news, we are increasingly seeing stories about cross-boundary behaviour. We are in an era where this behaviour is no longer tolerated or ignored, but is instead being reported. Whistleblowers face a difficult choice: do they dare to stand up for what is right, regardless of the possible consequences and reprisals?

"I am deeply ashamed that it took so long for me to see it as it was: cross-boundary behaviour that I am now taking action against."

Over the past year, many leaders and HR teams have been grappling with this issue. How can organisations best deal with cross-boundary behaviour? How can we prevent it, and what should we do if it does occur? This requires a clear understanding of our leadership values, processes, and protocols.

Personally, I still find cross-boundary behaviour a complex issue. There does not seem to be a clear answer to where exactly the boundary lies. Of course, if someone physically touches you, if you say: stop, stop, I don't want this and it continues, but where exactly is the boundary in other cases.

And if this is not clear, is a breach of, for example, 0.5 percent, reason enough to sound the alarm? What is the difference between a 10% and 80% overrun? I have learned that it depends on our moral compass. Sometimes there is no clear boundary, and it even seems to shift over time. We get used to it, even though our intuition tells us that it is really not okay.

A Former Pro Footballer as Coach

My eleven-year-old son has been playing high-level football for years, considering his age. He started just playing football with his friends but was noticed as a potential talent. He ended up on an A-team with a former pro footballer as coach. The way the coach coached, both verbally and non-verbally, was quite intense. As a mother standing on the sidelines, I wondered if this coaching method was still up to date.

But within the club, it seemed normal to apply this method to learn to play football better. The result was that my son technically improved his football skills over the years. The team won everything that could be won. There seemed to be nothing wrong.

However, my son started to show severe stress symptoms. He was terrified of his trainer's sharp criticism, the fierceness on the sideline, the constant intensity, and the shouted commentary on a failed action. It caused him distressing physical complaints that even made us call the emergency helpline. We just didn't make the connection yet.

The Boundary Unnoticeably Shifted

Over the years, I saw the intensity of the verbal abuse increase and its impact on my child grow. But as parents, we said to him, "Come on! Don't let yourself be beaten! What can he do to you? We're here, aren't we?" The boundary shifted unnoticed, and we did not realise that this was not acceptable for an eleven-year-old child. Until one day something happened, and we saw the pure fear of death in our child's reaction to the trainer.

Then it finally dawned on us. This coaching style is not suitable for eleven-year-old children at all. It stops here and now for us! I have never seen my child so relieved and happy that he did not have to go back to his trainer. I am deeply ashamed that it took so long for me to see it as it was: cross-boundary behaviour that I am now taking action against. The line has long been crossed.

"Let's hold those accountable before they truly cross the boundaries, even if it's our boss or close colleague..."

In this new era, it's up to us to calibrate our moral compasses and have the courage to intervene when necessary, even within the organisations where we work. Especially when it's a C-suite leader, and there is a culture of fear, intimidation, and humiliation, I see that many find it very difficult to confront the person in question, stand up for others, and/or formally blow the whistle.

Whether it's protecting our children, creating a healthy work environment, or confronting leaders who sustain a culture of fear, we all need to define our boundaries and take action.

Have the Boundary Clear

As CHROs, let's have the boundary clear and make it different. Let's not look away or tolerate what is actually not acceptable. Let's hold those accountable before they truly cross the boundaries, even if it's our boss or close colleague, and even if we're afraid of reprisals.

So I ask you again: Have you defined the line at which you will intervene? I have now, and I invite you to do the same. Don't be uncertain, find your strength and do what is right.